On August 26, at 7:42 AM, McKenna Jane Marino came in to this world kicking and crying, healthy and beautiful, safe and sound at home. Our world has been rocked, and we couldn’t be happier about it.
Weighing in at a grand 5 lbs 11 oz, reaching a stretched out length of 18 inches, with a full head of dark brown hair, we were in active labor for 19 hrs which includes 2.5 hrs of pushing. That does not include the 12 hrs prior when my water broke but labor had not yet begun. McKenna tolerated the labor perfectly, never showing any signs of distress (wish I could say the same for her momma!).
For those of you who would prefer not to read the verbose, nitty gritty, sometimes more-info-than-I-wanted, full birth story, either stop reading here or check out tRoy’s description. If you are in to that kind of thing, keep on reading, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that the following is full disclosure…
As you know, I spent over a week on the couch trying to avoid going in to labor before 37 weeks. Then on Sunday night at 11:30pm, my water broke, 2 days before that 37 week marker. We were nervous that would mean a trip to the hospital for the birth. We called the midwife center to tell them that my water broke, and Becky came over a little after midnight to assess our situation. Turns out there is a bit of a gray area, since due dates are just estimations and not gospel. As long as the baby seemed to be big enough with strong enough vital signs, then we would be cleared for a home birth. Becky estimated her weight to be 5.5 lbs; that would be enough! We were told to get as much sleep as possible, because we were going to need it. Going back to sleep was slightly more than a tall order for me, with all that adrenaline pumping. Troy had no issues with it, he was snoozing away as soon as Becky left. I did manage to get a couple hours of sleep. Meanwhile, we were hoping/anticipating that my contractions would kick in by the morning, so we could get the show on the road. The sun rose, and all those contractions that I had been so desperately trying to keep at bay for the last week were magically gone. So we went for a short hike in the woods, hoping that would turn the switch back on. No luck. We were nearing the 12 hr point since my water broke, and if I wasn’t in active labor by 24 hrs we legally would be required to go to the hospital for a labor induction. Holy crap, we had just spent over a week doing everything possible to avoid labor so that we could do our home birth, now where was it when we needed it to start?!? Becky told us we needed to hit the Castor Oil quickly. Castor oil of course is a potent laxative, but it also is a potent, natural, labor inducer. I swallowed down 2 oz (yes, that is a quarter of a cup!), and within 45 minutes I was having diarrhea like I had food poisoning and within 1 hr of taking it I was having good contractions. Castor Oil and I now have quite the love-hate relationship…
My contractions progressed smoothly, getting stronger, more regular, and closer together, throughout the day. Becky came back to check on us around 3pm, then left and returned later that evening when I was in much stronger labor, maybe around 8pm I think. This is about when I went from being fairly lucid to living in Laborland. My mom had come up from Phoenix around 3pm, and Troy was in the room with me all the time, but there really isn’t much any one else can do for a laboring woman other than help her stay relaxed, time contractions, and get her stuff as she needs it (water, juice, etc.). Troy did just that, he was great. Just his being there helped me stay calm. I would mentally count my breaths through each contraction; I began to learn that as I got to about 3 or 4, the pain would get extremely intense, by 7 or 8 I was over the peak, and by 10-12 the contraction was fairly well subsided. There were two things that I found to be difficult mentally: 1-I knew the pain was going to continue to get progressively worse, and 2-I had no idea how long everything would last. Staying relaxed was the most important thing. I would frequently find new positions to try during the contractions, but that is tough because there really is no “comfortable” position, just ones that are less painful than others. Fortunately, being at home I had a world of options and I was totally comfortable trying them all out.
At some point, my diarrhea stopped and my barfing began. I don’t think the barfing was related to the castor oil…that would have started long before if it was. I think it was just because the labor was getting intense; either it was from the pain or more likely just from the contractions. Either way, fun times lay ahead as I would eventually lose count of how many times I barfed through the night. It was barfing-without-warning, just barely enough time to turn my head and aim for the bowl or toilet. This meant that I was now losing a lot of fluids and electrolytes, which I was really staying on top of replacing but there is only so much you can do when you have been losing it out both ends!
Between contractions I would drift off to sleep, waking up to the pain of a contraction and returning to counting my breaths. Since I also kept my eyes closed during the contractions to help me relax and meditate through them, I think my eyes were closed for 90% of my labor. Although I was fully in Laborland, I seemed to be very aware of each time I reached a new “milestone”. I kept worrying that I was just being overly-optimistic about my progression, but then we would get Becky and she would do a vaginal exam (we were being extremely conservative with the exams because my water had broken, and exams are how infections happen once your water breaks). Each exam showed excellent progress; each fetal heart rate check showed no signs of baby-distress; we knew we were doing great.
And so it went throughout the night. By about 5am Tuesday morning my contractions felt different. Now when I tried to relax through them, it didn’t help, it seemed to make it worse. As soon as they would start to peak, they would often turn in to abdominal convulsions. I knew something was changing. Becky checked, and sure enough, I was dilated to the magic 10cm. She said to try pushing through one contraction. I did, and that kept me from convulsing; much better! Becky decided it was time to really start going for it, so she called Sierra, another midwife, so that they would both be there for the actual birth. I tried pushing in the reclining position for a while, but my body was so sick of being in that position (I should have moved around a little more than I did for the previous 16 hrs!) that I had to try something else. I then sat on the birthing stool, which is similar to a toilet seat but allows for a good birthing position for many women. That worked pretty well, but I was getting so much pressure on my butt (from the baby’s head trying to get around my sacrum and pressing on to my butthole) that I literally said to Becky, are you sure she isn’t coming out my butt? Becky assured me she had yet to attend a butt-birth, and I moved down on to my hands and knees and tried pushing from there, and then tried pushing from Child’s Pose. Both felt pretty good, but I needed to try something else still. Becky suggested the side-lying position; I tried that and it actually really relieved a lot of pain and allowed for very effective pushing.
This is when the screaming began. Pushing hurts. The contractions during the previous 17 hrs hurt too, no doubt, but this is different. It hurts in your butt and in your vagina, and you push with your whole body. By the time we got to the side lying position though, we had made great progress and fairly quickly Becky said she had a glimpse of the baby’s head. We still had a ways to go, but that was so encouraging to me. I remember at this point, in a moment of lucidity when I realized we were so close and going to make it, saying out loud that I just hoped she was healthy. Becky reassured me that she was going to be a totally healthy baby, she had weathered the labor perfectly, and everything was going wonderfully. Then it was back to the business of pushing and screaming, since the most painful part was just around the corner. As the baby begins to crown, and your perineum is stretching to allow the baby out, the stretching is the most painful part of it all. We had been calling it “the ring of fire” in our birthing classes, and I remember I kept muttering something about “that ring of fire, it hurts, it hurts, ow, oh my god, etc.”
It is weird though, I stopped really feeling the contractions. I just kind of “knew” when I was about to need to push, and when to really bear down, and more or less when to stop pushing too and catch my breath. I mean “catch my breath” literally, since I was truly screaming. (I didn’t know until several hours after the birth that I had been making all that noise though; didn’t know until I commented to Troy, “That is weird, my throat hurts a lot, like I’ve been screa…oh my gosh, I just screamed for 2 and half hours, didn’t I?”) It was really primal, without intention to be primal and without avoidance of it either.
About 5 minutes before McKenna was born, Troy got really lightheaded. Fortunately he excused himself from leg-holding duties, traded-out with Sierra, got some juice, sat down for a second, and was back in time to help catch the baby. It was way better that he did that than gritted his teeth and ultimately just pass out, the way some men do in these circumstances! The weirdest and coolest feeling of the whole birth process for me was a split second after her head was out, when her body popped out. I literally felt shoulders, elbows, knees, feet, all popping right out of me. Simultaneously I could hear Troy happily saying, “Wow! Oh my gosh! Holy cow!” and things of that nature. As soon as I could I sat up and watched as she came the rest of the way out, spit out fluid from her mouth and nose, and they handed her up to me. I didn’t really see this part but I guess she had the cord tangled up around both shoulders, so first they had to untangle her but then she was on my belly right away. I remember looking right in to her eyes as she was coming out of me, and shortly after she started to give some wonderfully reassuring cries. Troy cut the cord after it stopped pulsing, and we relaxed back in to bed.
Her Apgar score at 1 minute was 8, and at 10 minutes was a perfect 10! She did start to turn a little blue after I put her to my breast to try breast feeding, so they gave her a little oxygen and checked her over carefully. For some reason the placenta didn’t want to detach from inside me. I guess McKenna was ready to come out early, but the placenta was content to remain! We tried breast feeding to stimulate contractions, which didn’t work, so they gave me a shot of pitocin now that it was safe to administer drugs. That got it going, but meant I had to go through a few more painful contractions to get the placenta out, which by that point in time seemed like insult to injury. But I got through it fine!
Becky and Sierra did a thorough exam after we knew she was warm enough from my skin, heating pads, and blankets. About 2 hrs after the birth Becky went to help me make my way to the bathroom to try peeing and showering. I honestly thought that it was going to be no problem to stand right up and do those things. I was so wrong. I had lost a little more than the average amount of blood (which for a person my size translates to kind of a lot of blood loss), I had lost a whole lot of fluids through all the barfing and diarrhea, and I had worked really hard for a really long time; this led to the first episode I’ve ever had of blacking out. I didn’t even know it was happening, but fortunately Becky had a good hold on me and just lowered me back to a sitting position in the tub. Then she and Troy carried me back to the bed, gave me a sponge bath (no way I was I going to be able to try standing up in the shower any time soon!), and then it was nap and eating time. The midwifes cleaned everything up for us, started the laundry, and all three of us crashed out.
The care that the midwifes provide is so incredibly above and beyond. Without knowing it, we were all taking all of our cues from them; their calmness, composure, cheering during pushing, professionalism, and on and on is priceless. Their post partum care goes above and beyond too, with an additional 3 home visits to check in on all of us.
If you are still with me at this point, I’m impressed! I guess the last thing I want to say about it all is that if you had asked me anytime within the first 48 hrs afterwards if I would go through it all again, I would have said no. It really hurt, it was really hard, and the memories were too fresh. But nature has a way of casting a positive shadow, and even now (just starting day 3) I can see how the difficulties of the experience are already fading in to the background, leaving behind only the beautiful, transformative, wonderful parts in its wake. I have a lot of physical healing to do still, but I came out of it relatively unscathed compared to what many women go through. A couple small perineal tears that didn’t require stitches, a lot of soreness down below, a little trouble walking still, and a lot of upper body soreness, but everything gets a little better each day. And besides, the treasure at the end of the suffering is so beyond description, that I should just stop writing here.
